Should wives ever submit to abuse?

I’ve known abused women who’ve been counseled by their pastors to return to the abuse of their husbands. And they have done so believing they are being obedient to the Word of God. Ephesians 5: 22 is a favorite of many who give this counsel but the verse before it is a better place to begin. 

Ephesians 5: 21 instructs all Christians to submit to one another out of reverence for the Lord Jesus Christ.   This is a mutual submission that doesn’t seek rank or privilege. This is a Christ-like submission that demonstrates love and service, not domination.

In Ephesians 5: 22 and following wives are called to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. And in Ephesians 5: 24 we are instructed, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” In everything? 

Unfortunately, there are some Christians who view these verses as a green light to rule like a tyrant and some wives believe they must accept this abuse as God’s will for their lives. But let’s ask a very important question. What kind of person is the Christ whom the church is called to submit? Is he rude, crude and abusive? Of course not. He is loving, compassionate, patient and kind. 

As we read on in Ephesians 5 we understand the tremendous responsibility the husband has to be like Christ. The husband is to head the home as Christ heads the church, his body. And no right thinking person abuses their own body!

In fact, the qualities of Christ are to be seen and heard in the lives of all who claim to be his disciples. If a husband is a follower of Christ the Fruit of his Spirit will be seen clearly. The Apostle Paul lists this Fruit in Galatians 5: 22, 23. This fruit consists of “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” 

In Ephesians 5 we understand the great task the husband has in his marital and parental relationships. He is to be loved, forgiven and encouraged in this task. And husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. How do people typically respond when they are loved? They typically love back, but time and patience is often needed.

In Romans 5: 8, the Apostle Paul wrote, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Christ didn’t wait for us to “get better,” he died for us as we were. He loved us from the beginning. And he promised each who called on his name could experience a new life.

Don’t accept abuse as a necessary part of your life. There is verbal abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, as well as the abuse of authority. These abuses cross all socio-economic and religious boundaries. They can be found in every community, church, and in every country. There are many tough things in life you must accept, but abuse is not one of them. 

Don’t be a slave to fear and excuse abuse as God’s will for your life. You are far too valuable! God wants peace in your life and family. God wants you to enjoy your home. Seek counsel from a mature Christian and discover the refreshing life God wants you to experience.