Dear Kim,
My husband and I have 3 children, 10, 6 and 3.  Our middle son (I’ll call him Jimmy) is very active, doesn't listen well, and loves to mess around when he’s not suppose to. The problem is that most teachers, little league coaches, day camp counselors, ect… don’t enjoy his company to say the least. They get frustrated with him, rather ignore him than take time to work with him, and sometimes outwardly show their displeasure with him. I know they’ve got lots of other children to deal with too but whenever I see this happening it just breaks my heart. Naturally, I try to work with him to improve his behavior (sticker charts, ect...), but aside from that I’m at a loss as to how to help him. Do you have any ideas?
~Joanne

Dear Joanne,
I bet it’s hard to watch Jimmy being treated in a less than positive manner, especially when you know he has many lovable qualities. Boo for them for not being more observant, good for you for taking the time, lots of time I imagine, to help your child interact more effectively with his adult leaders.

Besides being consistent with rewards and consequences there are several other things you can do to help out our little guy:

1) Have his hearing checked by an audiologist.  We joke about our child’s “selective hearing”, but  there could actually be a valid medical problem.

2) If his attention and activity level is markedly different than his peers consider having him tested by a medical doctor for ADD or ADHD.  If he does test positive, medication may or may not be indicated.  Sometimes child therapy alone can be helpful.

3) Although we can’t control what other people do, we can influence them. Here is a strategy that many parents have found successful: (please read carefully because the following phraseology is very scientific) “Crank up the charm and SUCK UP”

Without even saying it, I know what you’re thinking: “Why should I have to be nice and suck up to a first grade teacher who doesn’t appreciate my baby?"  When a teacher or coach has a lot of other children to deal with, most  tend to gravitate towards those who are the most “likable”.  Use this strategy in conjunction with the behavior modification techniques that you already employ to help Jimmy be more "likable" via proxy-- If they find you likable, then that  will  trickle down to Jimmy as well. Be creative and show gratitude up the ying ying~ 

Lest you feel resentful for having to be a “fake” in sucking up to Jimmy's adult leaders, consider this: Wouldn’t you do anything in the world to help your child be successful?  Also, (and this is important) for most people, the more you fellowship and get to know someone, the more you will genuinely like them and thus your "put on" charm will gradually evolve to genuine charm.

Jimmy will probably never thank you for all this, but when he’s a dad and going through the same thing, you can say, (while laughing hilariously,) “what goes around comes around!” and that is a mother’s greatest reward!

Good luck!
~Kim